Tuesday, September 15, 2009


I am feeling a loss of a friendship, and I am not exactly sure what happened. We seem to have drifted apart, and despite my efforts in reconnecting, the other person doesn't appear interested. Why? Did I do something? I must have, but I don't know what it is. I would love to discuss what happened and make amends (if necessary), but am not being given that opportunity. It is very frustrating and hurtful. I put a lot of value in this relationship and feel like I have been dumped. I have been "broken-up" with via avoidance. I thought our friendship would have at least merited some sort of closure or reasoning. I can't stand avoidance, it is such a passive-aggressive move. If I have offended, let me know. If you just don't like me, I can handle it, tell me. Just don't leave me trying to figure out what went wrong.

Has this happened to you? How do you let it go? I have been trying, but it really has struck hard. Have you had to let a friendship go? Did you do it on mutual agreement or let it fade away? I feel the loss and am saddened by it.


Joel Monka said...

You must be younger than I if this is the first time it's ever happened to you. One thing to remember is that it may have nothing to do with you; there's not necessarily anything you "must have" done- and obsessing about what you could've/should've done is counterproductive in at least three ways: extending mourning for years because there's no resolution to stop it, starting to resent the other person, which spoils good memories, and making you second-guess everything you say and do in all other relationships. Don't ask me how I know.

If you've done what you could to maintain the relationship short of stalking laws, accept that it's gone. Mourn for a reasonable period, then let go before it poisons you. If necessary, have a sort of funeral to help you release it- and realize that there will be many things in a long life that have no resolution.

Kari said...

Oh, a rotten situation. I hope you can find some peace about the whole thing.

Bridgett said...

Yes this has happened to me. Sometimes things came back together and I realized later that it so so so did not have anything to do with me.

It is so much harder when a relationship goes this way instaed of when they end due to some big catastrophe, really. The friendships that have ended in big fights are easier for me to handle.

Anonymous said...

how upsetting. sorry!
it's happened to me & I've wondered what I did wrong, or what was wrong with me. definitely not fun questions, whether it really is about you, or not.

plaidshoes said...

Thank you, everyone, for your thoughts. My head knows that it could be any sort of reasons why the friendship ended, but my heart feels hurt by it. Joel - I am going to take your advice and just mourn the loss and then let it go. I like your idea about keeping the good memories. That is what I will focus on!