Thursday, November 18, 2010
Not Feeling It
I am having a very hard time getting myself to church these days. I am not sure why. I am just completely unmotivated to get there. I used to be so passionate about going - even when our old church was having issues. I like our new church. The people are great, the minister gives thoughtful sermons and I really like how socially conscious they are. But why am I not inspired? Why don't I jump up every Sunday excited to go to church? I used to. I miss that feeling. Honestly, I am more interested in going to the Lutheran Church that is associated with my kids school. I sort of feel that I have outgrown Unitarian Universalism. It fulfilled a need for a long time, but now I have moved on. I don't want to move on, but I am just not connecting anymore. What to do? I feel like I need more, but UU is just not offering it. I am tired of adapting other religions to ours. We have a deep history, but for some reason we rarely access it. Instead we tend to live by the living tradition. Which is totally fine for some, but I want the history. I want the roots. I want to say God and not "the mystery". I am not interested in celebrating pagan rituals or reflecting on Buddhist thought. I want our religion, not an amalgamation of a bunch of others. Sometimes I feel we are so piecemeal, I don't know that is truly ours. I realize for other UUs this is exactly what draws them in, but it is not enough for me. I don't know what to do. This weekend is our annual Bread Service. This used to be my absolute favorite service on the year. Now I am just "meh" about it. That saddens me and makes me realize that something is wrong. I just don't know what it is.