Wednesday, April 3, 2013

Trying to be Grateful

There are certain things I really want to change, but feel unable to.  I really want to move back to Iowa. I want that childhood for my children and to be closer to my mom.  Unfortunately, Husband does not want that.  He wants to move, but to stay in the St. Louis area.  He loves St. Louis and his family is here.  I can understand that.  We have benefited greatly from their help and I love them, too.  But, when will it be my turn?  Is that even fair to ask? I have been in St. Louis for eighteen years and I want to go home.  The kids are growing so fast and their childhood is flying by.  Daughter only has one more year at her school before we have to figure out what to do about high school.  Husband doesn't want to pay for private school and would like to move to a better school district.  I have no interest in moving to another suburb.  We either stay here or we move to Iowa.  I am sure you are seeing our standoff.  I wish there was more I could do to help the situation.  Husband is the breadwinner of the family, so any move would have to be dependent upon him getting a job.  I am looking, too, but after being out of the workforce for almost twelve years, no one is very interested in me. Unfortunately, there are just not that many jobs for his skill set in Iowa.  It is frustrating.

Then the guilt sets in.  Who am I to complain?  Don't I have enough with a loving, healthy family?  Why should I ask for more?  We are doing well here and I am being selfish.  These are all the thoughts going on in my head. I need to be grateful for all that I have. But the longing continues...

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