Thursday, January 1, 2015
I am usually pretty excited for the New Year, for all the standard reasons: new start, clean slate, possibilities, etc. This year I am just "meh". So what? - the calendar has continued its natural course and moved forward. Nothing really changes. Life continues on. I used to make resolutions for big plans in the next year, but why bother? I usually fail, and if I do succeed, not much really improves. 2014 was not a bad year for us. Thankfully, we were mostly healthy and happy. We visited family and took a couple of fun trips. There was time for us and hobbies. Husband has a good job and the kids are doing really well in school and in life. There is nothing to complain about. On one level, life is cruising along. On another level, I want more and feel guilty about it. I want a fulfilling job outside of the house, but after sending tons of resumes out, haven't even gotten an interview. I want to move. I am so tired of St. Louis. I have lived here for twenty years and from the day I moved here, I have been trying to leave. Unfortunately, Husband can't find a job (and doesn't really want to) outside of Missouri. I would love another child through adoption. The family doesn't. I would like to lose weight, but the medication I need, makes it incredibly difficult. So why make resolutions? Despite my best efforts, the things I want will not happen. The things I want are superfluous. I have everything and more then I really need. Making resolutions for more seems like a fool's errand.