Thursday, January 1, 2015

Already 2015

I am usually pretty excited for the New Year, for all the standard reasons: new start, clean slate, possibilities, etc.  This year I am just "meh".  So what? - the calendar has continued its natural course and moved forward.  Nothing really changes.  Life continues on.  I used to make resolutions for big plans in the next year, but why bother?  I usually fail, and if I do succeed, not much really improves. 2014 was not a bad year for us.  Thankfully, we were mostly healthy and happy.  We visited family and took a couple of fun trips.  There was time for us and hobbies.  Husband has a good job and the kids are doing really well in school and in life.  There is nothing to complain about. On one level, life is cruising along.  On another level, I want more and feel guilty about it. I want a fulfilling job outside of the house, but after sending tons of resumes out, haven't even gotten an interview.  I want to move.  I am so tired of St. Louis.  I have lived here for twenty years and from the day I moved here, I have been trying to leave.  Unfortunately, Husband can't find a job (and doesn't really want to) outside of Missouri.  I would love another child through adoption.  The family doesn't.  I would like to lose weight, but the medication I need, makes it incredibly difficult. So why make resolutions?  Despite my best efforts, the things I want will not happen.  The things I want are superfluous.  I have everything and more then I really need.  Making resolutions for more seems like a fool's errand.